I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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