if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
