forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
