i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
