I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
