garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
