in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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