In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
