life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize