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Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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