Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
