I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
