why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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