You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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