i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
