we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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