Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
