OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
