Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
