Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
