he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*