I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
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You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler