maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!