Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Lo siento on account of my penis...