Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you told grandpa to call you daddy
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
