We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
