I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
