I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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