things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
