Will you blow on my dice?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
