Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
