dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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