Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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