you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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