Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dignity is for republicans.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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