i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
