The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
