all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Still dying that you shit outside
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
