You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
