thus making me awesome and them whores
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
