shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
