Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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