you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
