I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Someone came in the potted fern
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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