he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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