im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
