if you like me you must not know who I am
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My penis needs a shock collar
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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