Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
