and next time when you feel me up, do it right
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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