Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i will never coherently bang her
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
