i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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