so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
