so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
