I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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