shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
