My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My pussy is not your playground.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
