This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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