I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
