I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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