im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
