i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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