One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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