Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
