why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
