Screwed.edu
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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